The headline of this post isn't newsworthy at all. And the rest of the post is probably not newsworthy to a lot of people who read this blog. But I fixed a computer.
So, to fix it, my laptop connected to my cellphone via Bluetooth, which connected to a celltower via GPRS, which sent my SSH packets over TCP/IP to another university machine inside the firewall, from which I then SSHd to the sick machine, and fixed it. The irony is that the problem was with the machine's network interface! The latency was nothing to be proud of, but was pretty usable.
This is probably the setup with the maximum number of different devices and protocols that I've ever used, hence it warranted a blog post. :)